Ever been to a wedding and had to participate in “The Chicken Dance,” that time-honored tradition where by a bunch of well-meaning people stand in a circle or a line and do a little dance, flapping their arms and clapping like they are enjoying the time of their life . . . but they really know that they look like an idiot, most likely only out there because the bride forgot to threaten the DJ within an inch of his or her life? Sure you have. There’s no point in denying it. You have. Here’s the real point . . . got caught up in the whole Chick-Fil-A debate this week? Sure you have. There’s no point in denying it. And there’s no point in denying that I kinda love Chick-Fil-A’s food and service and have known about their stance on faith, family, and the “traditional” marriage for quite some time.

When everything started to break on Facebook (ahh, Facebook . . . I love you. I loathe you. But mostly, I love you), I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. Maybe it’s because my husband is in an industry where franchises, either privately or publicly held, are pretty well known for their positions. Chick-Fil-A has been incredibly open about their stances for ages. Hungry for a delicious sandwich on a Sunday? Hope you like McDonald’s because the Fil-A are closed since they keep Sunday set aside for their faith. It isn’t a huge step to make the next logical assumption and figure out their views on just about everything else (I’ll give you a hint . . . they probably don’t support Planned Parenthood or abortion rights).

But here’s where it gets even fuzzier. There are shit ton of other companies right there with them who have pretty much gotten off unscathed. Like Domino’s Pizza? Me, too! But Tom Monagahn, founder of that lovely company, constantly supports causes that limit a woman’s right to a legal abortion as well as funding the building of a community in which is it illegal to purchase birth control (porn too . . . how does that happen with the Internet?). If you’re tired of pizza or chicken, you can grab a burger, and I truly love me an In-and-Out Burger when I’m in Las Vegas . . . but then again, I don’t like to read Biblical versers while I’m chowing down on an Animal Style with fries “well” . . . because God is probably not saying, “Good job, honey . . . I’ll see you soon!” Then, we have Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, and Richard Haynes . . . ahhh, the paragon of all things cool and hip and hypocritical. Back in the ’70s, Haynes might have been a hippie and full of peace, love, and shit, but since then, he’s pretty much turned the other cheek, supporting Rick Santorum (hello, sweater vest lovers everywhere!) and advocating paying as little in taxes as humanly possible. Plus, the company has a long trampled on other artists and used their designs without any thought of payment. Dig a little deeper and the same “anti-gay” marriage rhetoric is right there beneath the surface.

It’s not easier on the other side. Jeff Bezos and his wife recently pledged $2.5 million to support marriage equality, which is fucking awesome. But for years and years and years, Amazon, the company that has allowed him to offer that kind of money so willingly, has removed books from its stocks (and your Kindles) if enough people complain about them based on their own personal attitudes. Sometimes they are self-published books (mostly erotica) but there have been books that people feel “promote” certain lifestyles or are against religion. Occasionally the books are added back to the stocks, but often times, they just go away.

So then . . . who are the good guys and who are the bad guys, for surely in a morality tale, there must be a clear-cut winner and loser, right? Fact is, there aren’t. There are only shades of gray, and sadly, not the kind that people can poke fun at these days with quippy, “Laters, baby!” I’d like to think that my decision to have a Chick-Fil-A nugget meal with a side of waffle fries and a diet Doctor Pepper, light on the ice, can be measured with my recent purchase through Amazon Prime for a bag of chia seeds to try out in my new obsession: refrigerator oatmeal. Maybe my karmic balance will be okay after all.

Enjoy the weekend, lovers!